


It should have been me.

by greengoddess3



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - Wedding Planner, Angst with a Happy Ending, Engagement, Ex-Boyfriends, Forced Marriage, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Lawyer Alec Lightwood, M/M, Marriage, Minor Violence, Mutual Pining, POV Magnus Bane, Post-Break Up, Post-High School, Sad Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-06-17 15:12:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15464178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greengoddess3/pseuds/greengoddess3
Summary: Just when Magnus thought it couldn't get much worse, he is now being forced to plan the wedding for not one, but two of his exes.How will he overcome seeing what he thought would be his, given so freely to another?Or when Magnus and Alec are thrown back into each other's lives 8 years after Alec walked out on Magnus and Alec is now engaged to somebody else.





	1. I have to.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you like Raj, you probably won't like this story. Sorry!

There’s something perplexing about being a romantic but never actually getting the chance to be a romantic. Of valuing the bliss of matrimony from behind the veil of a well synced calendar and a never ending email chain.

Magnus hasn’t quite worked out how the bitterness of his past heartache became the fuel behind his joy of orchestrating the joining of two individuals in an unbreakable union.

Well, as unbreakable as a fourteen page prenups and New York’s finest lawyers can be.

Magnus has long disassociated himself with the meaning of ‘marriage’, after seeing his fair share of business alliances being sealed with contractual lip locks, he has rather focused on bringing to life the festivities of the ‘special’ day.

It’s all become like clockwork for him, throw on a dazzling smile, take people through the routines of planning a wedding, bank a sizeable cheque and continue to seek a false sense of fulfilment from bringing people’s fantasies to life.

That’s all it could ever be, an illusion of love, a deception of the heart, a fallacy he has long abandoned.

Regardless of his beliefs, Magnus would never deny another a chance at happiness, as bleak as the conditions of their marriage may be.

Okay, so maybe Magnus was being dramatic. Staring into his empty glass, as he eyed the bottle of whiskey he had demolished, was obviously making him unnecessarily resentful.

I mean it’s not everyday that you're asked to plan the wedding of one of your college exes. Especially after he spent the majority of your relationship in every other guy and girl's bed but your own.

Throwing his head back, Magnus groaned as he lolled his head on the back of his plush couch, eyeing the Chairman as he sat on the coffee table watching him.

‘Yeah, yeah, whatever, I get it, I’m pathetic.’

Sticking his tongue out, Magnus frowned at his cat, sulking at his judging glare as the Chairman sauntered off into the bedroom.

Startled, Magnus jumped slightly at the banging on his door, their was only one person who assaulted his property like that, and he definitely wasn’t in the mood for his questioning.

‘Go away!’

Throwing his arms over his head he blinked his eyes rapidly to clear the alcohol fuelled haze before sighing and making his way over to the door. He knew if he didn't let Raphael in he would only call reinforcements, namingly his less than desirable boyfriend Simon, who would talk him into complete desolation.

Opening the door swiftly, Magnus glared at his obnoxiously smug boss as he folded his arms across his chest.

‘Shouldn’t you be, I don't know, being all cute and annoying with your boyfriend. Don’t you guys have babies to make or something?’

Raphael smirked, sniggering at the jealously in Magnus’ tone. He slunk his way around Magnus as the man scowled, dropping the takeaway bags on the kitchen counter.

‘This is an abysmal attempt at a peace offering. I don't know why I allow you to treat me so properly.’

Throwing his arms in the air, Magnus sat on one of the stools, resting his head in his hands as he exhaled heavily.

‘I’m not here to apologise for anything, I’m just here cause I’m hungry. I also gotta make sure I look after my clearly intoxicated employees.’

Raphael shook his head as he tsked, pushing a plateful of food in Magnus’ direction, commanding him to eat.

‘You’re just scared I’ll take you to HR.’

Grabbing the chopsticks, Magnus pushed the chow mien around his plate, reaching for the unopened wine on the bench as Raphael smacked his hand away.

‘I am HR so don't you even think about calling in sick tomorrow. Hangovers don't count as an illness.’

Groaning Magnus rolled his eyes, his boss was insufferable.

‘Yeah well, I’m sure mom won’t agree. Treating her favourite child so unfairly is grounds for spending your weekend watching Fraser reruns with her.’

Raphael blanched, eyes widening as he stilled his movements.

‘You wouldn’t, she…’

‘Try me.’ Magnus raised his eyebrow mockingly, baiting his brother into a challenge he knows he has every chance of winning.

‘Okay fine, but I’m still not taking you off the Malik wedding. In fact, you have your first meeting with the lucky couple tomorrow.’

Magnus squinted his eyes, studying the slight nervousness in Raphael’s movements.

‘What are you not telling me?’

Raphael cleared his throat avoiding Magnus’ gaze as he focused on his plate.

‘They’re…uh….lawyers.’

Magnus stood hastily, stomach clenching as he pushed his plate away from him combatively.

‘Just great. So not only do you want me to plan my ex-boyfriend’s wedding but to make matters worse they’re fucking lawyers. Nope, I quit.’

Magnus glared at Raphael before storming off and throwing himself face down on the couch. Squeezing his eyes shut, he pinched the bridge of his nose as he dramatically crossed his legs.

He felt the cushion next to him dip as Raphael’s pleading voice rang through his ears.

‘Please Magnus, I need you on this. Raj asked for you personally and he won’t take no for an answer. I promise you, I tried.’

Shaking his head in disagreement, Magnus turned his head towards his brother as he sunk back against the couch cushions defeatedly.

‘Of course he did. After all these years, the smug asshole still gets off on making my life a living hell. Just tell him no.’

Sighing, Raphael rubbed his face with his hands before responding, ‘His father owns the land that mom’s house is built on, if we do this he promised to sell it to us, stop him from demolishing the property.’

Gasping as he was jolted upright, Magnus whipped his head around in shock, a breathy ‘fuck’ escaping his lips.

‘You mean the bastard who refused to sell to us because he wanted to build those new high-rises is Mr Malik!?’

Nodding heavily, Raphael clasped his hands over his stomach, playing with his thumbs as he stared at the ceiling.

‘I tried everything I could, but I don't know what else to do. We can’t let them kick mom out, she took us in, gave us everything, that house means too much to her.’

Magnus took a moment to watch his brother, the man with an impenetrable outer shell was seldom one to display such blatant defeat and vulnerability. His adoptive brother was a formidable man, hardened by his time spent sleeping in alleyways and wondering if the cold New York nights would bring him any remedy to his misery.

They both were rescued by their mother, adopted at a young age and given a place to feel safe, a family to depend upon, a love to carry with him everywhere they went.

He knew he had to do this, regardless of his past with Raj, their mother’s happiness was far too precious for him to be so blatantly selfish.

He would have to face his demons eventually, release the pains of the time with his former lover and focus on the rewards of his sacrifice.

His mother gave him a comfortable life, she deserved the world, it was really the least he could do.

Squeezing his brother’s arms he exhaled sharply as he declared, ‘I suppose we have a wedding to plan.’

***

Magnus drained his cup as he shook the last drops of his second, third maybe fourth coffee of the morning onto his tongue. He was just tired in general, nothing to do with the restless tossing and turning of the previous night in anticipation for today’s meeting.

He had hoped that in true Raj style he would send an assistant for the initial preparations, unconcerned with the details of the wedding. To be quite honest, his mind was more concerned with focusing on the next torturous six months of planning.

Unfortunately for Magnus, Raj had emailed him informing him that he would meet him at his office at 10am and that he was ‘excited and looking forward to working with one of New York’s finest.’

Really, could the guy get anymore obnoxious?

He was drawn out of his thoughts by a brief knock at the door as Raj confidently strolled into his office with his fiancé trailing awkwardly behind.

Magnus tensed, heart beating rapidly as he balled his hands into fists on his lap, nails digging into his palms. His mouth hung open in shock as he blinked rapidly, feeling the weight of the past crashing down on his tense shoulders.

Standing just as stunned in front of him was the only person who had truly broken him. The only person that he had ever seen a future with, the only person that he had truly loved.

Blinking slowly, he torn his eyes away from the man as Raj cleared his throat, eyebrows furrowed as his questioning gaze lingered between Magnus and his fiancé’.

‘Do you two know each other?’

Magnus inhaled and exhaled slowly, taking a moment to steady his breath and erect a facade of professionalism. He threw his hand aimlessly in the air, dismissively brushing off the obvious tension settling in the room.

‘Oh, Alexander and I went to school together. It’s been such a long time, quite a surprise really.’

He gestured for them both to sit in the arm chairs next to his desk, placing himself in front of them, focusing his attention on Raj.

‘So Raj, long time no see, hope you’ve been well? Obviously been busy I see.’ Magnus tasted the bitterness in his tone, the words short and sharp as if throwing daggers towards the man.

He kept his eyes on Raj, avoiding Alec’s uncomfortable gaze, attempting to control the turbulence of emotions wrecking havoc inside him.

‘Oh you know, love really does keep you active, not to mention the firm’s expansion, it’s all been very chaotic.’ Raj crossed one of his legs over the other, leaning on the arm rest towards Alec as he smiled knowingly at Magnus.

There was no way he didn't know. No way he hadn’t figured out that there was something more between Alec and him. Raj was always way too observant for his own good. He always knew how to read people, manipulate them into trusting him, find their weaknesses and exploit them for his own gain.

He was wiser for Raj’s deceits, noticing the way the man raised his eyebrow when speaking of his business and pleasure.

Magnus hummed, tilting his head while Raj winked reaching out to grab Alec’s hand, interlocking their fingers.

‘Thank you for taking on our wedding, we only wanted the best for our special day.’

Magnus’ eyes betrayed him as they darted to meet Alec’s. He inhaled sharply as his eyes connected with those beautiful hazels that he has longed to see again. He watched as Alec blinked slowly, lips parting as his shoulders tensed.

After eight years of torment, after the heartbreak and rejection, after spending his college days trying to forget, here sat the embodiment of his anguish. Magnus felt the heat under his skin as he was transfixed on Alexander; a reanimation of the tenacious magnetic force that always drew them towards each other.

He couldn't look away, didn't want to look away, the sorrow and heartache in Alec’s eyes tearing at his heart strings. He didn't understand though, Alec walked away from him, told him he couldn't be with him, that it was never going to work out. How could the man feel any sorrow now? Unless…

Raj cleared his throat, tone curt as he straightened his posture causing Magnus to whip his head back to the man.

‘Anyway, shall we start?’

Magnus nodded robotically, standing up swiftly to retrieve his phone from his desk. He kept his back to the couple, taking an opportunity to settle his racing pulse before whipping back to them. He rolled his shoulders back before clasping his hands in front of his body, tilting his head towards Raj.

‘I must apologise, it seems like I have to remedy an important mishap with another client. I’ll have Simon take over and take you through my notes. It was lovely to see you both again, I’ll be in touch’.

Without a moment of contemplation he all but paced out of his office, colliding with Raphael in his pursuit.

‘What the hell. What’s got you so flustered? Shouldn’t you be with Raj and..’

‘..and what? His darling fiance’?

Raphael flinched at the bitterness in Magnus’ tone, taking a carefully step forward to soothe his seething brother.

Whispering pointedly, Magnus leant towards Rapheal as he spoke. ’What the fuck, why didn't you tell me he was marrying Alec!? I….you…dammit!’

Breathing rapidly Magnus reached for Raphael’s shoulder. Noticing the signs of an oncoming panic attack, Raphael dragged Magnus by his elbow into his office, signalling for Simon to take over the meeting.

‘Magnus, sit down, I need you to breath with me.’

Magnus felt the sharp pains in his chest as he blinked away the moisture building in his eyes. He was overtaken by images of finding Raj in bed with Camille, of Alec closing the door in his face, of Alec and Raj’s hands intertwined.

‘I-I can’t do it. I’m…so-sorry.’

Bracing his hands on Magnus’ shoulders, Raphael rubbed up and down his brother’s arms, trying to calm his anxiety. It had been a long time since Magnus had been reduced to such a state, many years since Raphael had to come to his brother’s aid. He knew that he couldn’t force his brother down this tormenting path of battling his past alone.

‘It’s okay, we’ll figure it out, don’t worry. I’m taking you home.’

Magnus nodded defeatedly as exhaustion seeped into his bones, the emotional onslaught making him feel weak and empty.

All he wanted was a warm bath, a long nap and cuddles with the Chairman, everything else could wait.

He could battle his demons another day.

***

After the disaster of the initial meeting Raphael had decided to task Simon with taking the primary lead on Raj and Alec’s wedding. He had personally called Raj to inform him of the change, assuring him that Magnus would still be involved but his heavy workload currently permitted him from being completely involved.

Magnus was nothing but relieved at Raphael’s decision, regardless of how painful it would be to have to deal with Simon’s endless babbling. What Raphael saw in the man, Magnus would never know, but at least he wouldn't have to face his exes alone.

Maybe Simon would even scare them off, annoy them enough that they would give up and take their business else where. They would just have to get creative and find another way to save their childhood home.

Thankfully Magnus had minimal interactions with the couple, Simon screening most of their contact and only bothering Magnus with the essentials.

Unfortunately his luck had run out, Raj had obviously caught on to his evasion of the planning process and had requested his presence along with Simon at the cake tasting. In his haste, Raj had also informed them that the wedding would now take place within the next three months, tripling their workload and forcing Magnus to intervene.

The bakery was one of Magnus’ favourites, a place that has been in the neighbour since Raphael and his youth. He felt a certain comfort here, even if it was a place that he had once bought Alec.

Sitting across from Raj as he slug his arm over the back of Alec’s chair, Magnus shifted restlessly, clasping his hands on the table as he pushed his leftover cake towards Simon.

‘Magnus, we really have missed you, haven't we Alec?’

Magnus watched as Alec swallowed anxiously, dragging his eyes away from Magnus’ hands and boring them straight into his deep eyes.

‘Ah yeah, um, we have.’ Alec stuttered, gnawing on his bottom lip as his hands gripped tightly onto his thighs.

Noticing the tension at the table, Simon patted Magnus on the thigh before interjecting, ‘Well, um, I hope you guys liked the cakes, the Red Velvet was amazing, don't you think so?’

Magnus shook his head, about to offer his suggestion before Raj cut him off, ‘I agree, don’t you babe?’ He kept his eyes trained on Magnus before glancing away and staring at Alec as he waited for his fiancé’s response.

Breath roughly catching at the endearment, Magnus watched as Alec nodded his head quickly as he muttered out a quick ‘yes’, eyes fixed on Simon as he noted down their selection.

Raj grinned before standing and holding his hand out to Magnus, ‘Thank you for your presence Magnus, I’m sure you're a very very busy man. Alec can finish up here, say hi to your mom for me.’

Magnus tensed as the man winked at him before bending down to kiss Alec on the cheek, whispering seductively into his ear.

Cheeks reddening as he closed his eyes, Alec shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He waited a moment as Raj walked away before glancing between Simon and Magnus awkwardly.

Magnus watched silently as Simon talked Alec through the cake selections, capturing the necessary details and couple’s preferences before taking his leave. Stunned by the man’s sudden movements, he was caught off guard by his need to leave, not realising the implications of his departure.

He didn't know whether to exhale in relief or inhale in uncertainty as he searched for a way to compose himself in Alec’s presence.

‘Magnus.’

His chest tightened at the agony in Alec’s tone. He couldn’t stop his eyes from shifting to gaze into those endless pools of beauty. Alec was looking at him as if he was drowning in the depths of a limitless ocean, fighting against his own lungs for more time, more air, anything to give him a chance at survival.

Magnus had promised himself that he wouldn't allow himself to be affected by Alec, that he would remain poised and focus only on the details of the wedding.

He couldn't deny however how truly powerless he was when faced with this enticing man.

Glancing at the exit, Magnus cleared his throat before muttering, ‘I should probably go.’

Alec quickly moved his hand to embrace Magnus’ clasped hands, stilling his movements as he whispered, ‘please, stay.’

The pleading in his tone made Magnus sink into his chair, an unconscious heaviness forcing his limps to obey the man’s every command.

Pausing for a moment as he stared into Magnu’s eyes, Alec sighed as he muttered, ’I’m sorry. I didn’t want it to be like this.’ He squeezed Magnus’ hands as he dipped his head in defeat, shaking his head slowly.

Magnus flinched slightly, hands tightening around each other as he responded,’You have nothing to be sorry for. I understand. Life goes on.’ The uneasiness in his tone a clear indication of the evasion of the tormenting path Alec was traipsing along.

‘No Magnus, it’s not okay. What I did…I wish…It’s just… I don’t know what to do anymore.’ Sighing, Alec recoiled his hand from their embrace, anxiously running his hand through his hair.

Internally whimpering at the loss of contact, Magnus relaxed his hands as he tracked the familiar gestures.

‘You always have a choice. It is not in the stars to hold our destiny….’

‘…but in our selves. Shakespeare.’ The intensity in Alec’s eyes caused Magnus to unconsciously lean forward. He watched his expression morph from the pains of indecision to the radiance of reminiscence, their favourite quote lingering in the air between them.

Magnus watched as Alec’s eyes travelled around his face, searching but never quite sure what he was searching for. Pursing his lips together to spread his lip balm evenly across his lips, he lowered his tone in his confession.

‘You’ll make a wonderful husband Alec.’

The lie burning Magnus’ throat as it rolled painfully off his tongue.

Alec smiled weakly as he nodded, forearms resting against the table as he leant towards Magnus, ‘I sure hope so.’


	2. I can't.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience.
> 
> Let me know what you think!

With long and exhausting days came restless nights as Magnus juggled the Lightwood/Malik wedding preparations. He had decided that regardless of his personal past turmoils with the grooms he had to pick his battles wisely. At the end of the day, Raj still carried majority of influence into the ongoing ownership battles of Magnus and Raphael’s childhood home.

This reminder was enough to ignite the fierce protectiveness Magnus carried for his mother, promising himself that he would push aside his own quarrels for her survival. She was none the wiser for the profound battle they were currently facing, Magnus preferring to keep her away from the harsh inequities of New York’s legal system.

In their communications Raj was never short of reminding Magnus of what was at stake, how much he was at risk of losing, how must he had already lost.

Magnus was long healed from the rejection and deceit of his time spent trying to build a relationship with Raj. He was rather more concerned with what the man was capable of doing to Alec. Yes, Alec broke his heart, left him broken and alone, happiness ripped so suddenly from his bare hands by the one person he loved the most.

He couldn't deny that he still felt something for Alec, what that was though he couldn't quite comprehend. Maybe it was desperate longing for answers, some form of closure for the sudden end to their blossoming relationship. Maybe it was the comfort he used to feel whenever in the man’s presence, how his small smiles would make his heart flutter, his touch a burning flame scarring his sensitive skin. Whether attempting to gather the remains of a long lost love or the sympathy for a past friend, Alec was an enigma.

As much as Magnus tried to ignore the turbulence of feelings clawing at his walls, he knew he had to keep them contained, if only for his own survival. He couldn't go back, couldn't allow himself to be naked and exposed, his feelings on display for anyone to so easily ridicule and dismiss.

At the same time a small part of him always wandered if anything could…if anything did remain between them. Could the physical and emotional distance between them be too great that they had a minimum chance of ever reuniting? Would they ever be able to find a way back to each other?

It didn't really matter anymore.

It had been weeks since his first meeting with Raj and Alec, weeks since his past had collided with his present, weeks since he felt any sense of calm in his life.

This constant chaos had become a renewed kind of sanity for him, fearing that if he stopped he would have to face the reality of what was right in front of him.

It was too much and quite frankly Magnus was not sure what would be left of him if he travelled down that path. Rather the fear of being swallowed by his own emptiness, by his own yearning for more of something he has accepted he can never have.

Each time he saw Alec, spoke to him, read his words via text or email, his heart flickered but never quite flourished. He knew it was the only way to survive, to indulge his desires momentarily but never quite enough for him to surrender.

The worst was when Raj noticed their small intimate moments, the familiar smiles and small glances, how they would finish parts of each others sentences or filter each other’s anecdotes.

Often him and Alec would get lost in a moment, Magnus becoming distracted and forgetting such a large amount of time had passed in the musings of their youth.

Eventually after the weeks of planning, Magnus came to a point of respecting Alec’s decision to marry Raj, if not for his own sanity but in acceptance of the plights of reality. He didn't exactly agree with the pairing, knowing of Raj’s crooked ways but also knew his place as a professional, as an individual contracted to fulfil his client desires.

Desires which apparently Raj loved to flaunt readily.

‘So Magnus, did Alec tell you that Ed Sheeran agreed to sing at the wedding? We love his music, so romantic, really speaks of Alec and I’s undying love.’ Raj’ smug tone rang through the phone as Magnus sat up in his office chair, grinding his teeth, trying to control his breathing.

He knew exactly what Raj was doing, baiting and blind sighting Magnus, adjusting his plans to throw him off the mark and test his resolve. Raj really was stupid if he though Magnus would fall so easily for his games, fifteen months together taught him a lot about the man’s conniving ways.

Magnus closed his eyes, exhaling as he grabbed his lemon water from the desk, gulping it down before he paused and replied tensely, ‘Amazing Raj. Sounds beautiful, a lovely choice.’

Noticing his generic reply and dismissive tone, Raj switched his focus, attempting to catch Magnus off guard.

‘Mmmm. I hear things with your mother’s house aren't looking too good? I mean my father can be quite a relentless man. It’s a shame really but oh well, such is life. Sometimes the scraps have to be pushed aside for bigger and better things.’

Breath hitching, the fury licked along Magnus’ spine causing all the hairs on his body to rise dramatically. Magnus really didn't know what Raj’s end game was here but he knew that he couldn't allow the man to know how affected he was by his threatening words.

Gripping the arm rests of his chair he leant back slightly, watching through his open door as Simon and Raphael stood in an intimate embrace, whispering lovingly against each other’s ears as they waited for Magnus to finish his work.

Raj had demanded to speak to him, informing the receptionist of an emergency with the wedding entertainment. If Magnus had known he was simply looking for a target for his misery, he would have walked right out the door at 6pm like he had planned to.

Rather he was now flittering between annoyance and rage as he allowed Raj’s vindictiveness to hammer into him.

Seven days, seven more days and he would be free of this man, free of the agony of dragging his past into his hopefully blossoming future. Free of his wickedness and gloating, his desires to overshadow Magnus and make him seem dispensable.

One whole week and Raj Malik would wed Alexander Lightwood.

In all honesty, Magnus couldn't deny the jealously that spiralled in his stomach at that thought. Two of the biggest impacts on his life colliding without remorse……. and at the centre stood Magnus.

All that mattered now was getting through this week and hoping that by the end of it he had enough scraps of himself remaining to survive.

***

Alec and Raj’s bachelor parties were held a few days before the wedding at a swanky bar in the middle of Brooklyn. Simon had been invited as he grew up with Alec’s best man Jace, dragging Raphael grumpily along, leaving Magnus alone in his solitude.

He lazed on one of the day beds on his large balcony, dressed in loose lounge pants and a comfortable silk robe. Staring out into the darkness of the night, he thought about the events of his life that had brought him to this current moment. To the weeks he spent as a child below the deck of the dingy boat, praying he made it to America alive and would escape the clutches of his abusive stepfather. After his mother’s death he felt no connection to his motherland, fleeing for fear of his own safety and consumed by the abyss of grief and mourning.

Being found and adopted by his foster mother, meeting and forming a brotherly bond with Raphael, the little family they had with the addition of Simon, these were all things he had to be more than thankful for.

He would not allow his anguish over his past with Alec or Raj to foreshadow the fact that at the end of it all, he would still have his family regardless of the outcome of the battle for his childhood home.

He had lost so much over time but consequently gained just as much. He had loved freely, felt the joy of being bound to another, the bliss of living for their happiness, the ecstasy of their embrace. It was enough, it had to be enough, would more could Magnus have, would more could he even really yearn for?

Magnus felt his phone buzz against his chest as the incessant pounding on his door caused him to abruptly jolt out of his thoughts.

Unlocking his phone with his thumb, he stood swiftly, wondering who would be in such dire need of him at such an ungodly hour. Glancing down at his phone, he frowned at the message on his screen.

11.27pm Raphael: I’m sorry brother, I tried to stop him.

Furrowing his brows in confusion, he strolled hastily to his front door, opening it swiftly as a heavy body collided against his chest, pushing him back momentarily. He caught the man in his arms as the strong smell of whiskey evaded his senses, a precursor for the unexpected events sure to follow.

The man stumbled awkwardly, lunging forward as he braced his hands against Magnus’ partially covered chest. Magnus gripped his hands on the man’s shoulders, helping the clearly intoxicated man to steady himself. The man turned to face him and Magnus could do nothing but stare in consternation at the sight before him.

He blinked his eyes rapidly, opening and closing his mouth and he tried to form words, the man before him standing rooted in place.

‘Alexander….what are you doing here?’ Magnus tightened his grip on Alec, shoulders stiff as he anxiously waited for a reply.

Breathing heavily, Alec squinted his blood shot eyes before stuttering, ’Mag-nus, I…I needed to see you.’

Magnus felt his heart painfully constrict at the pleading in the man’s tone. Regardless of their past he still cared for the man in more ways then he would truly admit. Even if Alec didn't confide in him, he saw the man’s anxiety in his body language, the way he spoke lacking confidence and carried himself as if he was forced to exist against his will.

Right now however, Magnus was at a loss for a response. Alec’s messy hair, his glazed eyes and flushed face were only adding to the trepidation drumming under Magnus’ skin.

‘Why!?….I mean….shouldn’t you be at your bachelor party?’

Alec focused on a point behind Magnus before shifted his gaze as he studied Magnus’ features. It felt like the man was searching for something, trying to remember a figment of a memory he had long lost but never truly forgotten.

Magnus stood watching him, waiting for him to reply, to move, to give him some sort of explanation for his sudden presence.

After a few drawn out moments and a heavy silence, Magnus sighed in frustration before dropping his tone and asking, ‘Why are you here Alec?’

Alec’s eyes sharpened in intensity, straightening his body suddenly, he shoved his hands into his pockets, as he anxiously rocked back and forth.

‘I told you I needed to see you.’

This was honestly getting ridiculous, Magnus was at a loss for words at the obvious candor in Alec’s tone. How dare he show up at his door like this, he was getting married in less than a week!! Didn’t he care for any shred of Magnus’ battered and bruised heart.

Magnus felt the irritation burning against his lips, a familiar heaviness settled against his chest, his throat trembled as the words burst from deep within him.

‘But why!!! You never needed to see me before, hardly ever talk to me, what the hell is so sudden that you need to see me now?! Finally realised how much of a bastard your good for nothing fiancé’ really is??’

By now Alec’s breathing had rapidly increased, his expression morphed into the epitome of suffering as a parade of conflicting emotions flittered across his face.

Dropping his head, he buried his hands in his face, mumbling between his fingers, ‘Magnus, I am so, so, soooo sorry.’

As he lifted his head Magnus’ resolve snapped at the fear and anguish burning in his beautiful eyes. His heart broke at the battered man that stood before him, a man at the edge of his sanity, a man whose entire body spoke of surrender and sacrifice.

Taking a small step forward whilst still maintaining a comfortable distance Magnus relaxed his hands against his body as he lowered his voice and spoke gently, ‘Alec, talk to me, please, just…talk to me.’

Alec sighed, shaking his head in defeat as his eyes began to water rapidly.

‘Magnus, I can’t - I can’t do this. I can’t marry Raj. Please Magnus, don't make me do this.’

The heavy sobs that escaped Alec’s mouth ricocheted against Magnus’ chest stunning him momentarily. Never had he felt such profound anguish and pain being expressed so intensely.

Magnus didn't even think, he stepped forward and pulled Alec against him, allowing the man to cry against his neck. They stood for what felt like an eternity, breathing against each other as they allowed their anguish to melt away from their bodies.

After a while Magnus slowly unwrapped himself from Alec, grabbing the man’s hand as he pulled him into the lounge room and sat him in the middle of his large couch. He retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge, giving it to Alec and watching as he eagerly chugged its entire contents.

Magnus stood off to the side of the lounge room, conscious of the space between them as Alec stared out the open balcony doors and across the New York skyline.

The tension that lingered between them was broken as Alec whispered a pained, ’Thank you Magnus’ into the air.

Exhaling heavily, Magnus crossed his arms over his chest, unconsciously shielding himself and attempting to trap the surge of emotions hammering against his ribcage. He didn't reply, overwhelmed by the abrupt change to his relaxing evening.

Alec’s eyes met his own, considering him for a moment before flickering in indecision as he cleared his throat and spoke, ‘I think….you need to know the truth, about…about everything.’

Magnus hummed in intrigue, raising an eyebrow as his curiosity peaked. He was both anxious and fearful of the path they were both about to embark upon. Would he venture to a darkness that he would rather avoid or would their be a blinding light at the end of this journey? He supposed he would never know until he took the step forward, took that plunge into the unknown in hope that he would return whole again.

‘Okay, I’m listening.’

Alec took a deep breath, forearms resting on his knees as he gestured wildly with his hands.

‘I don’t…I didn’t…what we…I…fuck!!.’ He stood suddenly in frustration, pacing in front of the couch as his brows furrowed.

Magnus watched him in anticipation, giving him the time to collect his thoughts as he waited patiently. It had been eight whole years of waiting, eight years of wondering and assuming, eight years of emptiness and heart break, eight years of pain. Now that he was on the edge of knowing why he deserved to be so carelessly abandoned, he wasn’t quite sure if he even wanted to know anymore.

Suddenly Alec stilled, dropping his arms he conceded to his tumultuous thoughts, taking a step towards Magnus as he held his hands in front of his body in defense.

‘Please Magnus, I just need you to hear me out. Just, I need you to promise you won’t hate me. I couldn't, still can’t live knowing that you do. I’ve fucked up so much, I don’t know what to do anymore.’

Magnus shook his head slightly sighing as he replied, ‘Alec, I don’t hate you.’

Nodding, a stream of mumbled affirmations tumbled from Alec’s mouth, psyching himself up in preparation for his ominous confession.

‘You- you have to understand, I never wanted to leave…. Walking away from you was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I know we were so young but I wanted a life with you, I knew that what we had I could never, would never have again. You were what I always dreamt of but thought I couldn't have.’

Magnus’ rage suddenly bubbled inside of him at the admission, as if the dam he had been so meticulously protecting had suddenly broken. His buried feelings came rushing back to him at full force, hammering out of his mouth with no regard for their destination.

‘Then what happened!! You walked away! Abandoned me! Left me alone and crying with a ring in my pocket and my heart shattered in pieces on the floor! I loved you!’

The tears rolled heavily down Magnus’ face as he allowed the years of suppressed agony to pour out of his chest. His heart beat wildly against his ribcage as his body shook earnestly, his arms bracketed around his body, trying to hold him in one piece.

Alec gasped at his admission, shock plastered itself across his face as he rubbed his eyes harshly before dropping his hands to his side. He stared at Magnus before whispering into the space between them, ’You…you were going to propose?’

Magnus stood there defeated, the collar of his silk robe drenched in the wetness from his eyes as he shrivelled into himself.

Wiping his damp cheeks with the sleeve of his robe he sobbed as he replied, ’You were my everything.’

Parting his mouth, Alec brought his hands up to his face before dragging his fingers through his messy hair. He spoke slowly, considering his every word, aware that his next statement could shatter the man in front of him.

‘Magnus. I am so sorry. I was a coward who blindly allowed my father to manipulate me. I was so scared of being abandoned by my family, terrified that once they found out I was gay that they would reject me. You never deserved what I did to you, I can never forgive myself.’

Images of began to ruthlessly hammer before Magnus’ eyes. Of Alec slamming the door in his face, of Alec telling him they would never work, of Alec walking away as he pleaded for him to stay.

He staggered as his knees went weak, overcome with the rejection he has battled with his whole life, not just from Alec but from his parents, from Raj, from every other lover he has ever had. They always came for a moment, basking in the exhilaration of a fleeting connection but never remaining for the man beyond the curious infatuation. He always thought Alec was different but maybe Raj was right, he would never know what to do with love, even if it was standing right in front of him.

Alec surged forward as Magnus’ body faltered, the sudden movement having a sobering effect on his alcohol filled haze. He felt Magnus flinch in his arms, as he steadied himself, pushing away to maintain his distance.

Magnus wriggled himself from Alec’s embrace, agony ripping through his chest as his body struggled to maintain stability.

‘What do you want from me Alec? You’re getting married!!! and not just to anyone, to the one man who I thought would help me heal from your rejection. Raj fucking Malik who fucked someone new every week before coming crawling to my bed. I trusted him, I trusted you… and look where that got me.’

Alec’s eyes widened as he clutched his chest defensively, his hands shaking from over exhaustion. ’Magnus, wait..what!? You and Raj??….Fuck. I had no idea. You have to believe me.’

Throwing his hands up dismissively Magnus mumbled, ’Yeah well, I don’t really know what to believe anymore’, as he moved to sink into his armchair, body crippled by the intensity of the emotional onslaught.

Tracking his movements, Alec turned his body to face Magnus, walking to stand in front of him and sinking onto his knees, hands resting on Magnus’ thighs.

Magnus studied his face, the determination in his eyes caused his breath to hitch as he tried to ignore the warmth of Alec’s palms on his legs.

‘I know about the house, about how they’re going to demolish your childhood home. I swear I didn't know before this, I literally heard Raj discussing it with his father yesterday. I promise you I won’t let them get away with this. I don't care about this stupid merger of our father’s businesses,I won’t allow my father to use me as a bargaining chip anymore. I know how much that house means to you, to Raphael, to your mother. Whatever power I hold, I will used it for good this time. Please Magnus, I promise.’

Alec let out a heavy breath as he dropped his head defeatedly, resting his forehead against Magnus’ stomach.

The warmth emanating within Magnus’ chest spread throughout his body as his lifted his fingers to tangle into Alec’s hair. He ran his fingers through the messy locks, the familiar softness causing his skin to tingle as Alec’s body melted into him.

‘Okay.’

Alec’s head whipped up, causing Magnus’ hand to fall to the side of his head, cupping against his ear.

‘Okay?’

Magnus’ thumb caressed the outline of Alec’s ear lobe as he nodded in confirmation, eyes boring into Alec’s tenderly, ‘Yeah, okay.’

For the first time in what felt like an eternity Magnus’ heart softened as Alec smiled brightly, surging forward to pull Magnus against his chest. He leant his chin on top of his head as he closed his eyes in appreciation before whispering a tender ‘thank you’ into Magnus’ hair.

Maybe Alec Lightwood did still want him.


	3. I will.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misunderstandings, a revelation and finally a long overdue confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the people who have read/subscribed to this fic. I just moved locations for my job so haven't been writing as much.I was considering abandoning it but hate leaving things unfinished. Hopefully this chapter does due justice to this story.
> 
> I will be posting an Epilogue as well! I feel like there's a few things I need to clear up that I couldn't fit into this chapter.

The next twenty four hours were consumed by a struggle between preparing for the wedding and the race to secure his mother’s property. Magnus would not deny that he was nervous about the prospect of losing the one stable sanctuary his family owned. The more his mother aged, the more he wanted her to be safe and content in her dwelling, wherever she felt most comfortable.

Alec had promised him that he would help him regardless of the circumstances, swearing to never allow Raj to damage Magnus’ life anymore than he already has. If Magnus thought planning the wedding for his two exes was crazy, having Alec Lightwood back in his life was even more obscene.

He knew that he couldn’t be overly zealous in his dealings with Alec, at the end of the day regardless of the moment they shared the night before the fact still remained, by the end of the week Alec would marry Raj.

Magnus knew he couldn't lose Alec, the need to have him in his life in whatever capacity felt like it was burning stronger than ever. Strong enough for him to realise that he was leading himself down a dangerous path, either way his heart will get broken regardless of how hard he fights. There was no amnesty for him in this fight, he knew when to lay down and conceit in the face of certain defeat, if only to sacrifice himself for his mother’s benefit.

He considered texting Alec, asking him how he was feeling after what had happened between them. Did he really mean all the things he had said? Or was he just trying to lessen his guilt by telling Magnus what he wanted to hear? 

It was a situation Magnus had been actively avoiding, steering clear of the Lightwood or Malik name in his business, ensuring he did not cross paths with the powerful families. However strategic Magnus had been it seemed that life had gotten the better of him, had decided it was time to face his demons, once and for all.

He needed Alec in more ways than one. He had to believe that he would carry out on his promise to help Magnus in his legal proceedings. There was something about the man’s demeanour that Magnus could not ignore, a burning determination to pacify his deep seeded regret for his past actions. It was an intensity that was drastically different from the once fragile boy that he loved, a passion that Magnus could not overlook.

As much as Magnus didn't want Alec to marry Raj, there was too much at stake for him to fight their engagement. The Maliks were much too powerful, the Lightwoods just as formidable, he couldn't fight them alone, he needed all the help and support he could get. Even if he was against the marriage he knew he had to step back and focus on his job, as painful as watching Alec marry someone else would be, his hands were firmly tied behind his back.

All he could do now was do what he does best, plan the greatest wedding New York has ever seen. Alec was a grown man, he needed to fight his own battles, needed to stand up for his own wants and desires. Deep down Magnus hoped that in some way that included him.

Maybe he needed to trust Alec again, one last time.

Before he could ponder further on is misgivings, his phone buzzed on his desk, the loud incoming message tone vibrating throughout his study.

_7.34pm, Alec: Hey._

Frowning at the short greeting, Magnus considered deleting the message and pretending he never received it. He knew however his pettiness would only make matters worse, he needed Alec right now more than he wished to admit.

Sighing he typed out a short reply, his phone buzzing moments after he hit send.

_7.37pm, Alec: Can I call you?_

Magnus’s phone started buzzing a moment later, the message sitting unopened on his phone as Alec’s name lit up on his screen. With his finger hovering over the screen Magnus groaned before snapping the phone to his ear.

‘Magnus?’

Alec’s cautious tone was unmatched in the furry of cars that could be heard in the background. Trying to remove the sarcasm and annoyance from his tone, Magnus dug his fingers into his thigh, gritting his teeth as he spoke.

‘Hello Alec, is everything okay?’

With barely a breath between them, Alec’s hurried and anxious tone rang through his ears.

‘Yes, no, not really.’ 

The weeks of slaving over the wedding preparations coupled with Alec’s admission had Magnus both exhausted and irritated. Raj had been quite demanding in his requests, often undermining Magnus and disregarding his suggestions in favour of making him seen incompetent. The constant backhanded comments and subtle insults were beginning to take a toll on him. Raj knew some of his weakest points, had come to know how much Alec meant to him and it seemed like he was taking full advantage of his position on the matter.

Magnus was at a loss for the wicked demeanour of the man, he had everything, money, fame, love, what more could he want? He had ruined Magnus’ life enough in college, broken him beyond repair, made him feel insignificant and used, his cruelty was unmatched. Magnus hoped that this would be the last of it, that Raj would view this final betray as his greatest conquest and finally leave Magnus alone.

On the edge of his breaking point Magnus scoffed into the phone as he crossed his legs over each other, pushing any remaining confidence into his voice.

‘Okay…. how can I help? Is there not enough champagne for the venue? Do you want different flowers. Please, tell me what I can do for you?’

The sarcasm dripped off ever word as Magnus hurled his hurt and disappoint at Alec. He knew he wasn’t being fair, knew that his words will burn Alec deep. Honestly Magnus’ sense of compassion had been far exceeded, Alec had gotten himself into this situation and now he was dragging Magnus down with him too.

‘I thought after last night…’ Alec replied, an edge of hope laced through his words as he trailed off in disappointment, leaving his sentence hanging between them.

The mere thought of the previous night made Magnus grip the arm rest of his chair. The fact that Alec had the audacity to be so self absorbed made him wish the man could see how infuriated he currently was with his dismissive attitude.

’What when you barged into my apartment and made me believe that I could trust you?! When you made me think it was okay that you were marrying Raj? Well maybe you thought wrong.’

Magnus didn't realise how heavy his breathing had become as he pushed back into his seat, seeking whatever stability he could find.

‘Magnus, please don’t do this.’

‘Do what? Tell you how hurt I am at planning your wedding to someone that isn’t me? Is that what you fucking want to hear!?’

The agitation bubbled beneath Magnus’ skin as he remembered their meeting from the morning. Of how he beamed watching Alec walk into the room, hope blossoming that he would dare to take the leap and call off the wedding. He thought that Alec had had a change of heart in his engagement to Raj, that he had decided to stand up for his own desires.That he would be do what he should have done all those years ago and fearlessly deny the hold his father had over him.

A small part of Magnus hoped that Alec would finally choose him, would prove that Magnus was worth enough to sacrifice a world which Alec loathed. It was undoubtedly one of the most profound insecurities that Magnus had carried his whole life, the fear of never being good enough, the fear of being abandoned, the fear of being alone. After all those years of pain and torture, Alec had returned to him, had promised he would stand beside him, had apologised for walking away from him and made him believe he wanted to right his wrongs.

All of that shattered that morning when he saw the way that Alec and Raj swung their interlocked fingers between them. The small kisses that Raj placed on Alec’s reddened cheeks, how Alec would dip his head in submission and coyly bite his lower lip. The sight made Magnus feel physically ill, it felt like a million stab wounds to his heart as he was forced to watch everything he was scared of play out before him.

It felt like a kick to the stomach. He had allowed Alec into his house, allowed him to reopen wounds that Magnus had spent years trying to heal. He had held him in his uneasiness and promised him he would help him to be free of the arrangement. Now however, he wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and stay there until this nightmare of a wedding was over.

Magnus seethed as he gripped his phone against his face, breath coming out in sharp and short pants, steadying himself after his violent outburst. He felt his chest tighten, the signs of an oncoming panic attack making him tense as his body shook. He stood as his legs wobbled, trying to make it to the bathroom to throw water on his face. He could hear Alec’s voice yelling beyond his thoughts, the raw fear in his tone making Magnus shiver.

‘Magnus, hello!? Magnus!’

His mind blanked, vision blurring as his eyes fluttered shut, knees shaking before he collapsed against the wall. He focused on his breathing, drowning out the voice of the man he once loved, willing himself so breathe so that he could finish their conversation. He needed to give Alec a piece of his mind, needed him to know the pain and deceit he felt from his actions. How those memories of their past had so easily been reborn and played out before them.

Throwing his head back against the wall, Magnus exhaled steadying as his breath evened out, pulling the phone momentarily away from his ear. He could hear Alec’s panicked voice vibrating from the phone’s receiver and into his palm, his name like a siren in the night calling back the sailors from the seas. 

Putting the phone on speaker, Alec’s voice filled the room following him as he collapsed onto his bed, a sudden exhausting overtaking him.

‘I’m fine…Alec. I’m fine.’

He listened as Alec breathed heavily into the phone, repeating his name over and over until all became silent. Magnus lifted his head from the pillow checking to see if the line had long disconnected, waiting to hear Alec’s voice.

On a steady exhale Alec spoke, the small sobs coming out between his words as his voice shook. ’Magnus, please, don't do that again. I’ve never felt…felt that type of fear in my life.’

Magnus’ mind span as his heart constricted at the vulnerability in Alec’s tone. How could a man so gentle yet apprehensive but so cruel and unwavering in his actions. A few hours ago he was flaunting his engagement in front of Magnus’ face and now all of a sudden he was acting like he cared for Magnus’ wellbeing. The thought aggravated Magnus, the mere fact that Alec could be so selfish made the anger and resentment harden within him as he dropped all care for the consequences of his words.

‘Don’t you dare Alec. Don’t do that. Don’t make this all about you. You did this, you brought us here. Just when I had started to move on, you came here and you made me believe and I hate you for that. I hate you for making me think I ever had a chance!!!’

The silence on the phone was deafening, tears spilled freely from Magnus’ eyes as he clasped his fists under the pillow, trying to hold himself together. 

Alec’s silence was enough for Magnus to know his true feelings on the matter. Throwing his phone across the room he turned onto his side, bringing his knees to his chest as he closed his eyes and allowed his angst to consumed him. 

For the second time in his life Alexander Lightwood had broken his heart and he knew this time that there was no way back from that.

***

Somehow Magnus had managed to drag himself through the remaining fews days of the week and closer towards the day he dreaded the most. Each day carried with it more stress, more demands, more torment from Raj. He decided to avoid Alec at all costs, the pain of his deceit too intense for Magnus to deal with. He rather communicated with his assistant Maia, hoping that she would serve as an adequate filter to their troubles.

They had reached a stand still in the proceedings of saving his childhood home, Raphael informing him that the Malik’s were still to forward them any paperwork. It angered Magnus that he had no control of this situation, that he could only wait until the dust settled before planning their next move. Raj knew of the power that he held over him and clearly he would not stop until he had fully exploited it.

‘Please Magnus, you know this is all that we have.’

Magnus huffed as his brother sat tensely across from him, fingers tightly hugging his cup of coffee. Raphael’s eyes crinkled as he pleaded, a vulnerability emanating off him that only Magnus could truly understand. The fear that crippled them both, knowing that their fates laid in the hands of their enemy troubled them deeply.

Rubbing his hands over his face as he groaned, Magnus shifted in his seat as exhaustion overtook him. The final forty-eight hours before the wedding was upon them and Magnus was nothing if not anxious for what was to come. 

‘I know Raph, I know.’ Sighing he lifted his cup to his lips, wincing at the heat of his latte as sweetness erupted in his mouth. ‘What can we do? It’s out of our hands now.’

Nodding as he crossed his arms over his chest, Raphael inhaled before replying, ‘Listen, I got a call from Raj this morning. Something about having the destruction company on speed dial and you not interfering with the wedding. He seemed very agitated.’

Biting his lip as he palmed his thighs nervously Magnus tilted his head at his brother questioningly. ‘Do you think he knows about the night of the bachelor party?’

Shrugging his shoulders Raphael relaxed his arms, eyes darting around the coffee shop as he spoke, ‘Maybe? Who knows. We can only hope it doesn't affect the house.’

Shaking his head as he turned away from Raphael, Magnus muttered a breathy ’Yeah.’.

A deep frown overtook Raphael’s face as he settled his gaze on his Magnus’ face. 

‘Have you spoken to him?’

Eyes slowly drifting back to Raphael, Magnus leant back slightly in his chair, taking in a deep breath to steady his thoughts.

‘No. I should have never thought I could trust him. For all we Alec is working alongside Raj. I just…I can’t believe he would do this to me…again.’

Burrowing his face into his hands, Magnus defeatedly shook his head as his chest tightened. Alec had deceived him in a way he could never forgive. Played on his trusting nature and made Magnus believe that he was going help him fight against the Maliks. Clearly that was all a lie. It was obvious in the way that Alec had been ignoring him and his and Raj’s expressive displays of affection. 

‘I’m sorry, you really don't deserve this. After this I promise I will do everything I can to make sure we never see either of them ever again.’

Magnus forced a smile onto his face, not wanting to worry Raphael any further. He winced as he tried to ignore the pang in his stomach at Raphael’s words. Maybe his brother was right, maybe it was time to finally forget Alec Lightwood, once and for all.

***

Magnus tapped his fingers anxiously against his biceps as his eyes darted between the guests seated at the long dining table. They had booked a three Michelin star restaurant in the heart of Manhattan for the rehearsal dinner, Raj boasting that he wanted nothing but the best for the love of his life.

They had so far made it through the three courses without a hitch, Simon assisting him on the night to ensure all the needs of the guests were met. The head chef Catarina Loss happened to be one of his college friends, making him slightly less nervous knowing that the had someone else ensuring the night’s success.

Throughout the dinner Magnus had stolen glances at Alec, noticing the way the man sat tentatively against Raj’s out stretched arm. He seemed slightly on edge, keeping his conversation at the table to short responses and tight lipped smiles. Magnus saw the obvious tension in his body language, quips that were quickly disguised when he accepted Raj’s affections.

In some way it still deeply troubled Magnus that Alec had fallen prey to Raj’s conniving ways. He had long accepted however that it was no longer his business the decisions that Alec made in his life, he had bigger things to concern himself with.

Like why the room had fallen into a deafening silence as the aggressive scraping of chair legs echoed throughout the restaurant. Before Magnus had a chance to react he was pushed against the kitchen wall, a tight grip around his neck forcing the air out of his lungs.

He latched his hands around Raj’s wrist, trying to ground himself as he tried to gulp air into him. Never before had he seen such fury and hatred in another’s eyes as he had in the way that Raj was glaring at him. 

Magnus felt Raj’s breath against his face as he inched closer and spat, ‘You think you can undermine me like this Bane!?! I will end you. By tomorrow morning your precious little house will be gone.’

Eyes fluttering to block out the man before him, Magnus’ mind worked furiously to comprehend the suddenness of Raj’s assault. Before he could form a reply the door to the kitchen was flung open, loudly colliding with the wall.

‘Enough!’

The secure hold on Magnus’ neck loosened as his lungs burnt against the sharp inhalation. He shut his eyes momentarily, head spinning from the lack of oxygen, body sagging against the wall. Before he collapsed against the floor he was pulled against a strong chest, a warm hand gripped his bicep, the other tenderly caressing his back.

‘I got you Magnus, breath, it’s okay, he's gone, you’re safe.’

Focusing on his breathing, Magnus whimpered softly, the initial shock of the attack dawning on him.

‘Th-hank you.’

He rested his head against the man’s chest as he inhaled the soft undertones of his cologne. The vaguely familiar scent calmed him as he relaxed his body against the man, breath steadying with each moment that passed.

He lifted his head slowly off the man, body tensing as he stared directly into dilated hazel eyes. Magnus’ lips parted as he was consumed by the feeling of Alec wrapped around him. His body unconsciously sinking against him as Alec’s eyes drew him into submission, oblivious to the chaos that was unfolding around them.

‘Magnus.’

The break in the silence caused them both to push away from each other as Magnus’ brain caught up to what had just happened. He steadied himself against the kitchen bench as he took in the flurry of bodies in the kitchen. The sous chef had Raj pinned to the floor and Simon as he stared at him in shock and concern.

Blinking rapidly to focus his eyes, Magnus straightened his back, dusting off his crinkled shirt.

‘I’m fine Simon.’

Looking between him and Alec tentatively, Simon nodded before leaning forward and whispering, ‘let me know if you need help, Raphael is on his way.’ Before squinting his eyes at Alec as he stalked out of the kitchen.

As annoying as Simon could be, Magnus couldn't be anything but thankful for his presence in that moment. He was rattled beyond his own comprehension, the attack from Raj, the intimate moment he shared with Alec, it was all enough to render him useless.

Pinching the bridge of his nose he pushed off the bench and strolled out of the kitchen into the back alley of the restaurant. Leaning against the wall he threw his head back and exhaled, staring at the stars as he realised the weight of Raj’s words. 

This was it, the moment he had failed. All he had to do was make sure the wedding was a success and he couldn't even do that. 

The tears welled at the corners of his eye, rolling along his cheek bones as they clung onto the edges of his jaw. Magnus felt beyond defeat, his heart thumped against his chest as he willed the pain to disperse. 

‘Hey.’

Whipping his head forward, Magnus wiped at his eyes with his sleeves, smudging his makeup across his shirt. He dipped his head, bringing his arms across his body as Alec slowly stalked closer, before stopping inches away from him.

‘Hello Alexander.’

Swallowing back the sob that was building in his throat, Magnus lifted his head, tipping his chin back as he drew upon the remnants of his confidence. He watched as Alec shuffled closer, arms loosely hanging by his sides as he furrowed his brow.

‘Please don’t cry Magnus, it pains me to see you like this.’

Magnus’ heart constricted at the honest affection in Alec’s tone. He shook his head, pushing down the feelings that were clawing at his walls to be free.

‘Why do you care? It’s clear that you don’t.’

Alec flinched at the bitterness of Magnus’ words, taking a careful step towards Magnus until they were within a breath of each other.

‘Of course I care, I always have cared. I need you to know that.’

Throwing his hand out in the air between them, Magnus allowed his anger to consume him. ’Believe what? Believe you?! After you lied to me? After you ignored me? After you and Raj rubbed your engagement into my face at every chance you got?’ He stood before Alec, breathing heavily as he considered stalking down the alley and far away from Alec.

Noticing Magnus’ restless behaviour, Alec grabbed Magnus’ hand between his own, swiftly pulling Magnus towards his chest. Magnus gulped at the close proximity, his mind reeling from the unexpectedness of Alec’s actions.

‘Would you stop talking for once and just listen to me?’

Staring at their joined hands, Magnus stood frozen at the sudden change in the atmosphere. The brazenness of Alec’s action catching him off guard, making his anger shift into apprehension.

‘Look….I’m sorry that you had to watch Raj and I together, it pained me to do that to you. I had to though, had to make everyone believe that that was what I wanted. I couldn't let them suspect that I was the one to undermine them. I never stopped fighting Magnus, it was torture but I knew I had to do this. Not just for you, but for me too.’

Magnus’ lips parted as he tilted his head in confusion, eyes fixated on Alec’s as he spoke, ‘it-it wasn’t real?’

Shaking his head with a boastful smile on his face, Alec tightened his grip on Magnus’ hand. ‘How could it be real when all I’ve wanted is right in front of me?’

Magnus’ breath hitched at the depth of Alec’s words. Could this be it? The moment where this beautiful man gave him the chance to finally have his greatest desire.

‘Please tell me you want this too.’ 

Dropping his head, Alec drew their foreheads together, allowing their breaths to mingle between them.

‘Alec, I….we can’t.’

The chuckle that slipped from between Alec’s lips caught Magnus off guard as Alec brought his hand to rest against Magnus’ cheek. ‘Yes, yes we can. Raj won’t be bothering us anymore.’

Magnus gasped as he opened his eyes, the intensity of Alec’s glare causing him to rock back slightly on his heels. He watched as Alec’s eyes darted to his lips while his thumb stilled its tender caress of his cheek bone.

‘How?’

‘I’ll explain that later, for now there’s something way more important that I need to do.’

It had been a long time since Magnus had felt the heat that was bubbling beneath his skin. His eyes fluttered shut, surrendering to the warmth as Alec took his lips between his own, tilting his head to draw himself closer to Magnus. 

Alec’s tongue licked along Magnus’ bottom lip, sliding eagerly between his lips as Magnus allowed Alec to swallow his soft whimpers. Never had Magnus been kissed with such a ferocious hunger, such an insatiable need. It made him want to be claimed by Alec, want to abandon his defences and allow this man to mercilessly consume every part of him.

It felt like an eternity that they stood, bodies pressed close as they surrendered to each other. Magnus had long since lost all inhibition, his mind blanking as Alec barbarically devoured him.

The need to breath pushed them reluctantly away from each other as they both panted in the space between them. Magnus’ thoughts grappled for dominance, as he fought to hold his euphoria at bay. He wanted to believe and trust Alec, wanted to allow his desires to consume him, but honestly he was terrified.

‘ _Please_ , Magnus, please give me another chance. I - I need you in my life. I don’t want to do this without you.’

Magnus’ chest fluttered at Alec’s audacious confession, he shook his head slightly, closing his eyes to force back the tears that threatened to spill over his lashes. It had been almost a decade of pain and torture, of silently wishing and waiting from those words to be spoken from Alec’s mouth. Now that they had, he wasn’t quite sure how he felt.

‘Alexander, I…..I’m - I’m scared.’

Palms resting in the juncture of Magnus’ neck, Alec gripped his fingers around Magnus’ nape, before replying, ‘I promise this time it will be different. We can take it as slow as you want. Just… _please_.’

The pleading in Alec’s tone melted Magnus’ resolved, his stomach clenched as he opened his eyes and stared at Alec. Never had he seen such need in another person, never had he felt so desired. Magnus considered the desperation in Alec’s demeanour, the way his lip trembled slightly as his eyes shifted fearfully.

The choice seemed so simple but to Magnus it felt like a lifetime of doubts and fears were colliding ruthlessly against his skull. He wanted Alec more than he could ever admit. Staring into his captivating eyes made him feel like they were seventeen again, sharing ice cream as they traded kisses in Central Park. The feeling wasn’t completely foreign, rather it was refreshing, after years of disappointment and deceit it was like a ripple across a still lake.

Dragging his hands to rest on Alec’s waist, Magnus exhaled softly as he gave in to the flutters of his heart, finally taking what he truly deserved.

‘I’ve never been very good at resisting you, so maybe it’s time for me to stop.’

Magnus felt the air knocked out of his lungs as his body was pulled forward, Alec wrapping his arms firmly across his back. He grinned against Magnus’ skin, peppering kisses dramatically on his neck as he surrendered to his bliss.

‘Thank you Magnus. You won’t regret this.’

Chuckling at Alec’s endearingly erratic behaviour, Magnus allowed himself to be consumed by Alec’s happiness. The man had clearly not lost his liveliness or zest for life, a part of Alec that he often concealed for those he truly loved.

‘So does this mean you’re going to take me on a date then?’

The smirk on Alec’s face as he pulled his head away from Magnus had him beaming at Alec in response. He crinkled his eyes in mirth as he studied the joy emanating from Alec’s face.

‘Yeah, yes, _fuck yes_.’

They both laughed at Alec’s sudden outburst, clutching onto each other as Magnus buried his head against Alec’s shoulder. Alec kissed Magnus’ temple, sighing into his skin as they stood contently in each other’s arms.

Pulling away carefully, Magnus gestured in front of him as he spoke, ’Raphael is probably looking for me. I should go.’

The disappointment in Alec’s tone was not lost on Magnus as he muttered out a soft, ‘yeah’. As Magnus turned to walk back into the restaurant he felt warm fingers interlock into his own, Alec whispering against his ear, ‘but not alone, never alone again.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always feedback is always welcome and appreciated :)


	4. I do.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue: Two halves become a whole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone who took the time to read, comment and kudo this fic. I appreciate all your support!

If Magnus had learnt anything in the past decade it was that wishing for another person’s life was pale in comparison to living the life that you deserved. Sometimes you simply just had to allow the universe to run its course, to spin you around until you don't know which way is up, until you abandon all fears and surrender to the undercurrents of life.

He never believed that he would find redemption in love, never believed that in conceding to his heart he would learn to live without remorse. Never thought that in the course of his acquiescence that he would ever again fall of deeply and profoundly for another.

Not even two years ago he sat on the precipice of his greatest defeat, of losing all he held dear and watching the claws of his past rip his happiness away. Now he stood, waiting on the altar as the reason for his joy drifted towards him. With a beaming smile and honest affection in his eyes, the love of his life would soon be his ever after.

After the many years he spent arranging countless weddings, watching as grooms and brides abused the meaning of marriage for their own financial gain, he never thought he would be standing here. It hadn't been easy, it had taken many dates and honest confessions for him to learn to trust Alec again. His fear of abandonment causing him to doubt the man’s true intentions, something which Alec persisted in dismantling.

He remembers the way that Alec disarmed Raj, tricking his father into selling the land that Magnus’ mothers home resided on to him, so that he could transfer ownership to Magnus. It had been on their one month anniversary that Alec had handed him the ownership papers, catching Magnus’ legs around his waist as Magnus assaulted him with kisses and a plethora of adorations. That had been the first night that they had made love, basking in shared moans of _I love you_ littered between heated whimpers and deep moans.

It had been at the same time that Alec had decided to part ways with his father, opening his own legal firm with his friend Lydia that he built from the ground up. Magnus had never been more proud of his bravery, of the way he stood up to his father and cursed him for using him as a pawn in his business pursuits. His engagement to Raj had been the final straw for Alec, watching the way his father and Mr Malik had abused their power and strong armed both him and Magnus.

A year past and Raj became the CEO of his father’s business, ending up in jail only a few months later for tax fraud and soliciting. Alec winked at Magnus as they watched the media coverage, snuggling closer against his body as he sighed contently. As it turned out karma finally came to bite Raj in the arse, the entire business crumpling under the weight of the many federal investigations and negative press. Coincidently becoming one of Alec’s first major legal successes, creating a respectful brand for him throughout New York.

Eventually Alec had confided in Magnus how his and Raj’s engagement was arranged by their fathers, a chance to bring their companies together. As it turned out within the contract that they had signed, Alec’s father had included a pre-nuptial clause that forbid any actions that would tarnish the Lightwood name. Raj didn't realise that this included infidelity, for once his secret lover found out that he was engaged, her revenge included exposing their sordid affair to her closest friend who turned out to be Maia’s sister.

It just so happened that on the night of the rehearsal dinner that Robert Lightwood received an interesting email full of photos of Raj and his lover, which resulted in the ending of the Lightwood/Malik engagement and the beginning of something better.

For now here stood Mr and Mr Lightwood-Bane, foreheads rested against each other as they grinned, surrounded by the applause of their closest friends and family. The music drifted from the speakers, Alec’s hands on Magnus’ waist, as they lightly swayed in their first dance as husbands.

‘I love you Mr Lightwood-Bane’

Magnus rubbed his lips together as his heart took flight, chills running rampant across his skin as the tears fell from his eyes.

‘And you Mr Lightwood-Bane.’

Chuckling Alec pulled away from Magnus, sliding his palm into the small of his back as he dipped his husband and claimed his lips between his own. Magnus rested his hand on the nape of Alec’s neck, drawing him in further as their lips moved tenderly against each other.

Chasing his lips as Alec pulled away, Magnus’ body tingled from the mere proximity of their bodies. Since their engagement he noticed that Alec always found ways to be near him, whether resting his palm on Magnus’ thigh whilst he drove or clinging to Magnus’ waist as he brushed his teeth. It made Magnus fall even deeper in love with his now husband. Made him feel that after everything he had been through someone had finally chosen him.

As they stood now, chest to chest, lips brushing gentle, Magnus allowed himself to be totally consumed by their closeness. They were not a couple who indulged in dramatic public displays of affection, rather keeping their affections for the privacy of their shared home.

Magnus shivered as Alec’s cheek rubbed against his own. His lips caressing the shell of his ear as he whispered, ‘I can’t wait to make babies with you.’

Slapping his chest playfully, Magnus scoffed in mock offence as he held back his grin. It had shocked him over the course of their relationship how quickly Alec’s confidence had emerged. The once timid and shy boy had transformed into an audacious and courageous man, taking the legal world and Magnus by force.

Alec never seemed to stop surprising him, from the way he would cancel meetings and strut into Magnus’ office with lunch, to his relentless insistence on weekly family dinners with his mother and Raphael. Magnus wanted to kiss every angel that was involved in bringing this beautiful man back to him. For giving Alec the wings to truly be the man that he wanted to be, for giving them the strength to fight for each other.

Life just seemed so much easier with Alec. They very rarely fought and if they did it made for interesting and very steamy apologies. Magnus wouldn't deny that on the odd occasion he purposefully would torment Alec, if only to unleash both his tender and dominant sides when they made sweet, sweet love.

As the night came to a close and they said their goodbyes to their guests, they decided to take a long stroll along the beach and back to their cabin on the island. They took their shoes off, allowing the warm water to weave in between their toes as they dragged their feet through the sand.

They basked in the comfortable silence between them, stealing occasional sideways glances and frequent chaste kisses. Magnus smiled to himself, the tranquility of their love making him sigh contently, interlocking his fingers with his husband.

Alec dropped his head, kissing Magnus’ temple as he whispered, ‘You okay my love?’. Drawing Magnus closer to his body as they wandered aimlessly.

‘Yeah, yeah I am. Just… thinking.’

Humming as he peppered kisses along Magnus’ ear, Alec responded, ‘About good things I hope?’

Magnus giggled at the tender ministrations, Alec aware of how ticklish Magnus was as he continued his assault, chuckling against his skin. They stilled in the sand, joyous sounds escaping both their mouths as they lost themselves in their euphoria.

Biting his lip, Magnus brought his hand to cup Alec’s cheeks, fingers tracing along his structured jaw. He paused for a moment, allowing himself to be consumed by the serenity emanating from Alec’s glistening eyes.

‘I’m so happy you didn't marry Raj.’

Alec cackled at Magnus’ admission, the beautiful sound of his laughter warming Magnus as he threw his head back and held his stomach. He stood before Magnus shaking as he struggled to catch his breath, words coming out in pants and mumbles.

‘Th-at was the worst…the best love declaration ever! I fucking love you Magnus.’

Surging forward Alec kissed Magnus on the lips before lifting him into his arms and sprinting waist deep into the ocean. Magnus screamed as the water splashed against his suit, head tucked into Alec’s neck, smile plastered on his face.

Suddenly Alec stilled, head slowly dropping, a mischievous glint in his eye.

‘Alexander Gideon Lightwood-Bane, if you….’

The water surged into every pocket of Magnus’ suit as he gripped onto Alec’s neck, pulling him into the shallow water with him. They laughed mercilessly as they both emerged for air, Magnus pushing Alec back underwater before being dragged down himself.

The tears of pure and unadulterated joy were washed from Magnus’ skin, as he basked in his love for his husband and the life that they would build together.

A decade on and the woes of nineteen year old Magnus Bane seemed but a smudge in the window of his life’s journey. He had finally come to realise that marriage isn’t for everyone but when you have someone like Alec, marriage is the greatest bliss that life can bring.

Together at last.


End file.
